Receiving Dreaded News: Waitlisted or Denied by a Private School
How to process your admissions decision news and strategically move forward.
It’s that time of year in the private school admissions cycle—many private day and boarding school admission deadlines have passed, and schools are in the process of evaluating applications and crafting their next class of students. Some schools, such as Delbarton, Oak Knoll, and Seton Hall Prep in New Jersey, operate on an even earlier timeline and have already released admissions decisions. If you’re fortunate to receive an admission decision letter that begins with “Congratulations!,” you can breathe a much-needed sigh of relief. However, if your child’s decision letter did not include the news you hoped for, this can be a particularly difficult time, filled with a wide range of emotions and lack of clarity about what to do next. We’re here to offer some guidance, which we hope will be helpful as you continue to navigate the private school admissions process.
Acknowledge your child’s emotions
It’s common to feel a range of emotions—including disappointment, frustration, confusion, or even anger—when you receive notification that your child has been waitlisted or denied, and you are not alone. This might be the first time that your child has received this type of feedback, and added to the many other recent disappointments related to COVID-19, the news can feel even more overwhelming. We suggest that you speak honestly with your child, allowing space to share feelings and reactions. As a parent, you can also share your emotions, and we recommend presenting your feelings in a calm, balanced manner, rather than venting to your child. Although it’s difficult to see your children in pain, this will not be the last time they face disappointment or failure, which makes this an important opportunity for growth.
As an adult, you can share a time you had a setback in the past, and how you grew or learned from the situation. What’s most important is that you make sure your child knows that an admission decision is NOT a measure of his or her worth. There are many factors that inform a school’s admission decision, some which are beyond an applicant’s control or even awareness (such as a school’s institutional priorities and the characteristics of the applicant pool each year, among others) and an admission decision does not reflect your child’s value as a person. We encourage you to gently discuss these realities and remind them of their positive qualities—be specific! Then, it’s important to reflect on how you will move forward, as bouncing back from setbacks can help build your child’s resilience, and it’s not uncommon for some students to reapply to schools and experience a positive outcome the next time.
Understand the decision: Waitlist
A good first step is to understand the significance of your child’s decision status, as there is a difference between how to respond, depending on the circumstance. A waitlist decision signifies that a school recognizes strengths in an applicant's profile and considers him or her “admissible.” At highly selective schools, there are often many more qualified applicants than available spaces, and COVID-19 has only driven up the number of applicants to private schools, making the process even more competitive. If placed on a waitlist, you should promptly follow the school’s guidance to indicate your desire to remain on the waitlist, if applicable. If no such instructions are given, be sure to reach out to the school to let them know of your continued interest in having your child attend (and if it’s a first-choice school, let them know of your family’s desire to enroll, if admitted). Depending on the timing, if your child has received any new information that would significantly bolster his or her candidacy (such as a new report card showing improved academic performance or a significant academic or extracurricular achievement since applying), you can send an update to the school. However, be mindful to not over communicate, as there’s a delicate balance between providing a useful update and becoming a nuisance. Many admissions offices are incredibly busy, so it's important to avoid jeopardizing your child’s chances of admission by giving the impression of being an overbearing parent who reaches out too often. Waitlists can be tricky to predict, and for many schools, who gets in off of a waitlist depends on the composition of the students who have enrolled in a particular grade. Try to be patient—and of course be courteous—throughout the process, while developing alternate plans (see below) if your child does not move off of a waitlist.
Understand the decision: Denied
If your child was denied admission, this could be a result of a number of factors, and while some might be more obvious (such as low grades or test scores), others can seem more mysterious. It’s helpful to reflect on your child’s candidacy to analyze how his or her profile aligns with the school’s and see if you can identify any gaps or weaknesses. For example, if your child’s primary extracurricular involvement is a year-round sport that is not offered at the schools where she applied, the school might have questioned your child’s interest in getting involved outside of the classroom. Other times, during an admission interview, an admission officer might identify a lack of fit between the student (or family) and the school’s culture. Beyond strong grades, test scores, and extracurricular involvement, schools place strong emphasis on personal qualities (such as ability to work well with others), so reflect on how your child might come across in areas beyond the obvious. Regardless of the reason, now is a great time to consider backup plans and focus on reassessing your needs and goals, as there might still be other options that will work well for your child.
Next Steps
As you continue to process your news (or if you’re soon to be receiving news), it’s a great idea to get going with plan B, which might even include applying to additional schools that are still accepting applications. Are there other schools in your area that you previously overlooked that you might consider exploring now? Stay open minded, and think more broadly about the type of environment that could be a good fit for your child. Some families also reassess their priorities and become open to boarding schools, as there are many more options available if you are not limited to a narrow geographic region. Either way, if you are still interested in exploring private schools (or charter/magnet schools), now’s the time to get into high gear.
As you forge ahead in the coming weeks, remember that things will be OK in time, and there is more than one school where your child can thrive and be happy. While the unknown can be daunting, try to remind yourself of the age-old adage that when one door closes, another opens. We wish you and your child the best of luck with what lies ahead!
As former independent school admissions professionals, we understand the difficulty of your situation and offer a candid Waitlist or Denial Assessment as one of our services. We would be happy to discuss this, or our other offerings, through a free 30-minute consultation. For more information, explore our website or contact us to set up a 1-on-1 discussion.
About Glasofer Educational Consulting
At Glasofer Educational Consulting, we are focused on demystifying the admissions process and helping families find the right-fit school for each applicant, with as little stress as possible.
We employ insights and strategies from our experience conducting numerous school admission interviews with applicants to Grades 6-12 to help candidates prepare—but not over prepare—for an enjoyable and effective interview.
Dina Glasofer, founder, and Dale Seabury are former admission and marketing professionals who worked together at The Pingry School. As former members of the School’s admission committee, both Dina and Dale understand what personal qualities resonate with admissions officers and they work with clients to present themselves in the most authentic, polished way possible to bring their candidacy to life and maximize admissions success.
